Back in the day, which was, you know, 2007-2009, I had another blog. It was called “Honest and Juicy,” and the tagline was “If you don’t like what it says, don’t read it.” I feel that way about this blog and other blogs, too. This isn’t required reading, though I’m grateful to those who do come to visit.
After I published the post about my new year’s resolution of not hanging out with People Who Suck, which included the disappointment and hurt over the way one person in particular treated me as a friend and in business, I started getting some interesting searches on this blog.
I dare you to challenge the wisdom of Ms. Lamott.
The most entertaining searches were the following:
- “tricia oakes southern spark alcoholic” (I wouldn’t say I’m an alcoholic. I’d call it “binge drinking with panache.”)
- “tricia oakes southern spark bankrupt” (Someone close to me stole my identity while I was studying abroad for a year and put me into a huge amount of debt I could never hope to repay. I was 24 and working as a special ed teacher when I realized how bad the situation was. It was devastating in a lot of ways and if you’d like to pour some salt in that old wound, that would be fab. And unless you are looking to lend me large sums of money, I don’t see why my credit history matters.)
- “tricia oakes southern spark history of bullying” (Please. You and your ridiculous. Get out of here.)
- “tricia oakes southern spark institutionalized” (I’m very open about the fact that I’ve seen some dark days. And I have fantasized about having a little break in my very own padded room on Bull Street. But no, haven’t been institutionalized. But if I ever am, I’ll be sure to write a full review of the amenities.)
- “tricia oakes southern spark sucks” (Well, that’s a matter of opinion. But if you think it sucks or that I’m a jerk and you still keep coming back and reading, that’s on you.)
and my personal favorite,
- “tricia oakes southern spark non-compliant sociopath” (Except the person who searched it didn’t put a hyphen between “non” and “compliant.” I think that was what offended me the most. And sure. Yeah. I’m non-compliant. If not giving a crap what anybody thinks about me is the definition of it.)
Listen, if you ever have any questions about me, you are always welcome to email me at sparkreviews at gmail dot com or leave a comment. Or, if you live nearby, you can come over and we’ll hug it out. However, you should also know that the best and (for some people) scariest thing about me is I don’t get embarrassed to be myself. And I will probably blog about it.
Image credit: kidneysandeyes.com
28 Comments on "If you don’t like it, don’t read it."
Sweet! You rock the free world my friend, and I feel privileged to know you…binge drinking or not! ;)
Thanks, Ashley.
Rock on with your totally non-compliant bad self…
I can only be me, Jana. :)
Oh, the things I plan to search on you now…
I’m waiting for the crazy searches to start from people trying to mess with me. This may become a regular feature.
Also, this: http://thebloggess.com/2013/01/and-you-still-havent-found-what-youre-searching-for-because-my-blog-got-in-your-way/
You are not the first person to tell me I remind them of The Bloggess. I’m pretty sure that is a compliment and it means that people are scared of me.
You get the best searches. I just get pervs looking for panties.
Hahahahaha. I’m going to start blogging about panties so I can get some of those!
Crazy searches are a badge of honor. I am reminded of an old Cybill Shepherd quote. She said she liked it when someone called her a bitch, because it meant she must have stood up for herself.
That’s true, Rae. I think I may have just become relevant. :)
‘Non-compliant sociopath’ AND ‘relevant’? I aspire to that milestone!
Who says blogging isn’t glamorous?!?
I think this might be my favorite post ever.
Thanks, Jenn. Me, too. xox
Those searching are just haters, and haters just suck. Good thing you won’t be hanging out with them anytime soon. And a padded room? Sweet baby Jesus… where can I get me one of those? I’ll check myself in if someone else i paying.
If you want to go halvsies we can split it, Jamie. Or maybe a time share?
Dudes, I want in. For seriousness.
I get such lame searches that lead people to my place. Only one or two cool ones. I obviously suck. Wait, do you mean in YOUR actual search box? I don’t even know how to find those.
Either way, I heart you.
No, I can see them in Google Analytics. Which may be a bigger time suck than Pinterest. xo
Uh oh. I didn’t know you could see all the searches I was doing on you. I guess I will have to rethink my searches now…lol!
If I didn’t already know exactly who it was, Dre, I’d be mad with you. :)
Love it because those are some awesome searches!
The only searches I get involve that rich Julia Roberts.
Traffic is traffic. And you are way better than that other Julia Roberts.
“…you can come over and we’ll hug it out.” I about spit. You are fabulous… and yes, I read the post so I know of what you are speaking!
Well, when your neighbors search nasty things about you, it’s always good to give them the option to say what they want to say in person. :)
The search terms are ri-donk-you-lus! Funny stuff and we
Moms don’t ever get to officially go crazy because that would be too close to getting a break.
Exactly. I don’t have time to be officially nuts. Who would wipe butts and keep the kids alive?