Easter Sunday. A day of celebration, gratitude and remembrance.
And at our house, at least, the perfect day for a Redneck Waterbed.
What’s that you say? You have never heard of a Redneck Waterbed? How about a Backyard Bladder? (I decided that is what the politically correct name of it is, in case you get offended by the word “redneck.” Which if you do? Pssssht. We can’t be friends.)
A Redneck Waterbed, my friends, requires painter’s plastic and strong tape. Basically you unfold the plastic, fold it over in half on top of itself, tape the sides together leaving a hole for the hose, and fill it with water for hours (45 minutes) of jiggly, watery fun.
Sounds fun, right? It is fun. A few suggestions for when you make your own.
- If you can, clear away your children, dog, and grass. They all get stuck in the tape and tear your plastic with their long nails and make things generally unorganized.
- Also put in a request the wind to stop blowing. Wind is the mortal enemy of extra sticky tape and plastic to which it wants to stick. Wind is actually on my Bad List because it is insistent on messing up my stuff on Zombie Jesus Day.
- Once the Redneck Waterbed is taped and filled, Attempt to patch leaks with your tape. Fail, because your initial taping efforts were so pitiful. See Number 1 and 2 for reasons of failure.
- Place Redneck Waterbed on as flat a surface as possible. See, for us non-physics majors, it is shocking that all of the water tends to pool at the bottom of even the slightest hill and then doesn’t want to fill up the other end of said Waterbed which lies at the top of a modicum of grade.