Halloween in the hood: Top seven ways to make it suck for the rest of us

Written by on October 29, 2012 in Uncategorized - 39 Comments

We live in a neighborhood (often referred to as “The Bubble”) that takes Halloween seriously.

In order to fit in around here, you have to be down with the BOO tradition (click here for the free printable and instructions from kippy p. designs), draping the front yard with swaths of thin cotton batting to make it extra spider webby, and decorating the house with spooky gusto the way most people do for Christmas.

There are costume parties galore for kids and adults in the weeks leading up to Halloween. Here’s a video of my little Black Spiderman breaking it down to “Ghostbusters” at a party over the weekend. I told you he loves that song.

He’s just like his mama. Only fool dancin’. Doesn’t even care.

Our friends, Katherine and Ashley, came with us to the Crawloween event this weekend. Ash was wondering if we would be the only people in costume. Nah.

Five teams of 50 people, all in costume, descending on our neighborhood bars. Calamity.

On Allhallows Eve, hordes of people come from surrounding areas to trick or treat in our neighborhood. Our neighbors usually sit on their porch and give out candy while clicking their counter. In the nine Halloweens we’ve all lived here, the most trick or treaters they’ve ever had was upwards of 500. There are buses that haul kids in from other areas. They descend on the neighborhood in swarms. While we are out doing our own trick-or-treating, we are unlikely to see our neighbors because of the influx.

We’re very fortunate to live in an area where the houses are close together and people feel safe walking with their children at night. But what I don’t like is the following:

  1. People who drive their minivans around, sliding doors ajar, following their kids and screaming out of the driver’s window to “get the good candy for Memaw!”
  2. Adults who come to the door, cigarettes hanging out of their mouths, requesting candy “for the baby who is sick at home.”
  3. Adults who smoke while trick-or-treating with their kids, and in the meantime blow smoke on us, and then throw their butts in my yard.
  4. Adults carrying tiny babies who say they are trick-or-treating for the baby. You know, the one who doesn’t have teeth yet.
  5. Trick or treaters who don’t say “thank you.”
  6. Trick or treaters  who look like they are old enough to vote in the upcoming election, who come to my door sans costumes. You get no candy from me until you at least put some effort into it. (This may stem from the church I attended as a child for a few years that considered Halloween Satanic or evil or some other BS. We weren’t allowed to trick or treat and only could wear “friendly costumes” to a Fall Festival. Remember those who fought for your right to wear costumes and worship Satan as you wish, young people! Look at me. I’m all Halloween suffragette over here.)
  7. People who ring the doorbell even though our house is completely dark. Extra Bad List points go to those who do so after 9 p.m. Seriously? Get off my lawn. (Hi, I’m grumpy about certain things. Crowds and bad manners being some of them.)
 Don’t be a Halloweenie. Or I’ll egg your house.




39 Comments on "Halloween in the hood: Top seven ways to make it suck for the rest of us"

  1. Jenny O. October 29, 2012 at 6:21 pm · Reply

    I love “Halloween suffragette.” Great turn of phrase. :)

    • Tricia October 29, 2012 at 6:35 pm · Reply

      Ha! Thanks, Jenny O.!

  2. Christine October 29, 2012 at 7:19 pm · Reply

    This made me laugh out loud!!!

    • Tricia October 29, 2012 at 7:25 pm · Reply

      Glad you liked it. :)

  3. jasmine October 29, 2012 at 7:47 pm · Reply

    So awesome

    • Tricia October 29, 2012 at 8:07 pm · Reply

      Glad you liked. Your piece was a bit of my inspiration.

  4. Cindy S October 29, 2012 at 7:58 pm · Reply

    Yeah, my daughter’s friend came in from out of the neighborhood last year. The family brought pillowcases, would fill them, dump in the car, and go out for more. What the heck?!

    • Tricia October 29, 2012 at 8:07 pm · Reply

      Right. How much candy do you possibly need?

      • Cindy S October 30, 2012 at 12:06 pm · Reply

        I started to worry that they needed help, that the candy was going to be a major food source for the next month or something!

        • Tricia October 30, 2012 at 1:15 pm · Reply

          I kind of thought that, too, later. Then I felt badly about it. :/

  5. AshG October 29, 2012 at 8:09 pm · Reply

    I would add to number 6 the older kids that just hold their bag out and stare. You gotta say Trick or Treat to get candy at our house!!

    • Tricia October 29, 2012 at 8:14 pm · Reply

      That’s true, Ashley. I’m going to tell them they need to do a jig or something in exchange for some chocolate.

  6. Anne (@notasupermom) October 29, 2012 at 8:11 pm · Reply

    I want to come to your neighborhood!
    If kids come to my door with stubble and no costume I’m going to hand out croutons.

    • Tricia October 29, 2012 at 8:15 pm · Reply

      It really is fun, until it isn’t. If that makes sense. And I’m totally going to hand out stale raisins to those with no costumes. Or toothbrushes.

  7. Heather October 29, 2012 at 8:18 pm · Reply

    I love when kids want to “trade” the piece I gave them for something else, like it’s a bartering system. Or the man who called my mom a loser for handing out pretzels.
    Keep it classy.

    • Tricia October 29, 2012 at 8:23 pm · Reply

      I forgot about that! Every year it gets better. Who comes begging for food and then calls someone names? GAH!

  8. Jenn October 29, 2012 at 8:25 pm · Reply

    I’ve had each and every one of those happen to me as well. The “memaw” and “smoking parent to < 6 month old baby in a stroller" are my biggest Halloween pet peeves. Manners and sense people! If your really want candy that badly, stroll on up to the Wal-Marts for a good sale on some day-after candy. Sheesh.

    • Tricia October 29, 2012 at 8:26 pm · Reply

      It makes me a little mad, honestly. I try to be gracious, but I also have limits.

  9. Elizabeth Horsley October 29, 2012 at 8:48 pm · Reply

    I can’t believe I missed the dance moves! They were fantastic! I have mixed feelings over our Halloween invasion as well. I understand they are mostly just children who want to have fun. I’m sure i would have loved to trick or treat in a neighborhood like this when I was a kid. However, it does get quite annoying when your toddler is pushed out of the way by a rude preteen whom you’ve never seen before!!

    • Tricia October 29, 2012 at 8:55 pm · Reply

      Exactly. When I can’t keep up with my kids because of the throngs of people standing in the street, it starts making me mad.

  10. Stephanie Ross October 30, 2012 at 5:40 am · Reply

    Okay, my son Alex would have been dancing with your little spider. Foolish dancers of the world unite.

    This year you can tell the ones that are ungrateful to be glad they don’t live in Poland. No trick-or-treating here.

    Fabulous post. Great writing.

    • Tricia October 30, 2012 at 11:07 am · Reply

      Thanks, Stephanie!

      No trick-or-treating in Poland? Bummer. We’ll do an extra little foolio dance in honor of our homies across the sea. Thanks for commenting!

  11. Leslie October 30, 2012 at 8:37 am · Reply

    I know EXACTLY where he gets that-when he dropped to the ground I said, mmmmhmmmm, that’s his mama’s move………

    • Tricia October 30, 2012 at 11:08 am · Reply

      You know it. He learned from the best worst dancer in the world.

  12. Heather O. October 30, 2012 at 11:24 am · Reply

    Great post! You made me smile and nod my head… your rules sound like everything I say every Halloween! My mama refuses to give candy to older kids/teens with no costumes — I’m not that brave, so I do give in with the candy, but I include a mini lecture on how they ought to be wearing a costume because it’s more fun, spirit of the holiday, etc.

    • Tricia October 30, 2012 at 11:29 am · Reply

      I think they wish they had never come to our house by the time I’m through with them. Thanks for commenting, Heather!

  13. thedoseofreality October 30, 2012 at 11:48 am · Reply

    BWAH HA HA HA! Love this post! You are like the movie version of Halloween…I love it. Meanwhile, we get like 3 total candy seekers around here. Needless to say, we have taken to crashing our friend’s neighborhoods for real trick-or-treating fun! ;)

    • Tricia October 30, 2012 at 1:14 pm · Reply

      I can not make this stuff up, Ashley. It really is comical when I’m not irritated by it.

  14. Anitra October 30, 2012 at 4:36 pm · Reply

    I love it! And the video was awesome. We all need to dance like no ones watching, every now and then. Visiting from SITS #Blogtober!!

    • Tricia October 31, 2012 at 11:08 am · Reply

      Thanks, Anitra! He keeps us laughing. Happy Halloween!

  15. Marc October 31, 2012 at 10:12 pm · Reply

    Your child is the most hilarious Disney character ever to trick or treat in the “The Bubble”. That kiddo has charisma!

    • Tricia November 1, 2012 at 8:03 am · Reply

      Ha ha, thanks, Marc! He’s definitely dedicated to his craft. Thanks for commenting!

    • Karen November 1, 2012 at 4:36 pm · Reply

      So glad we now have TWO who stalk you! ;)

      • Tricia November 1, 2012 at 4:58 pm · Reply

        I’m okay with being stalked by you two. You’re both pretty fun. :)

  16. Amiyrah November 2, 2012 at 12:46 pm · Reply

    I love when you put up a crotchety post. Makes me realize how similar we are. I decided that next year, I’m going to have jars of baby food and pencils available to give out. If you are holding a baby and come here to trick or treat, you get baby food. Over 12? You get pencils. That’s it. I’m not messing around with this bull crap any more. If this was Christmas and they were carolers, I’d give them real food and maybe even booze. Now, that’s when adults can ring my doorbell and ask for stuff. Even if they sing badly.

    • Tricia November 2, 2012 at 2:23 pm · Reply

      We often have carolers here around Christmas, and they do often expect booze. I’d rather give them candy. Booze is mine.

  17. Karen Hartzell (@InTheKitchenKP) October 31, 2013 at 3:24 pm · Reply

    Cuteness overload breaking it down! My son dances the same way! What a hoot! Happy Halloween!
    Good luck with the masses!

  18. Amanda Fox October 31, 2013 at 4:54 pm · Reply

    I used to live in a neighbourhood similar to yours. But then we moved. Now we get NO kids – nuthin’. And no one does anything. It’s kind of depressing. At least, we don’t wake up the next morning with random cigarette butts on our lawn. It’s an exchange really. And that thing with the van you mention – so true – especially when it’s raining. Thanks for the memories.

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