This month I’m participating in NaNoWriMo. Since I won’t have as much time to blog, I asked some of my favorite bloggers to guest post for me – and some of them were actually willing to do it. I hope you enjoy them as much as I do; they have become my friends through this crazy little thing known as the internet, and I’m grateful for their support. -Tricia
By Lisa Frame
Southern Women are a breed all their own.
Alison Glock said it best:
“For better or worse, we are forever entangled in and infused by a miasma of mercy and cruelty, order and chaos, cornpone and cornball, a potent mix that leaves us wise, morbid, good-humored, God-fearing, outspoken and immutable.”
Tricia and I are Southern Women and quite proud of it. This means when we get together there are things you should know that are going to happen:
1. We’re going to judge you. Matthew 7.1 teaches us “Judge not, lest ye be judged.” All bets are off if you come out without your makeup and your hair is not done There is a reason Spanx was created and headquartered in the South; thighs are not natural without lycra and Southern women are not natural with their maquillage.
2. We’re going to eat carbs. Macaroni and cheese is a vegetable in the South. This cancels out the carbs from the biscuits laden with butter we’re shoving down our throats.
3. We like bourbon. Not just any bourbon. It has to be good bourbon. Preferably Maker’s Mark. We sip it straight, mix it with Coca-Cola and add it to chocolate at Christmas. And y’all wondered why we were so friendly.
4. It it’s not sweet tea, it’s Coca-Cola. Even when it’s a Pepsi or RC and yes, even Cheerwine.
Recently, when I was in Asheville, NC, for the day, I stopped in at Tupelo Honey Cafe for dinner with my family. We had to wait for 1.5 hours, so I did what any self-respecting Southern woman would do with time to kill, perused the cocktail menu while I sipped a sweet tea.
Lo and behold and butter my biscuits, what appeared before my eyes was nothing short of a MIRACLE.
Tupelo Honey was serving Cheerwine and Maker’s Mark. TOGETHER.
It was like the Heavens opened up and Angels started to sing. Cheery cherry flavored Cheerwine and BOURBON.
Of course, I waved over Mr. Cutie Patootie who was bringing us drinks and ordered one pronto.
Mr. CP let me know that was one of his favorites and soon showed up with a large glass filled to the brim with bourbon and Coca-Cola.
The first sip was a burst of flavor, a sensation of icy cold, sweet, along with slight hint of cypress and an oakey finish.
Of course, this being 2012 and not 1912, I whipped out my smartphone, appalling everyone in sight and started snapping photos. Next, I committed another horrible faux pas and gauchely texted the image to Tricia, telling her it was the discovery of the year, or some sort of euphoric drivel I can’t recall. Her enthusiasm rivaled my own.
Had Scarlett O’Hara had Cheerwine and Bourbon, she’d have been the one looking at Rhett and telling him she didn’t give a damn. But, she wasn’t.
I suggest you get yourself to the local ABC store, pick up a bottle of Maker”s Mark and then hie yourself over to the nearest Piggly Wiggly and grab a 2 liter Cheerwine.
Head home, grab a Highball and fill it half full of ice. Everything is always half full in the South. Always.
Now, open your Maker’s Mark and pour a healthy splash in the Highball. No, that piddly splash isn’t going to do it, halfway full is more like it. Now, top it off with some fresh, highly carbonated Cheerwine. Grab your sterling cocktail stirrer and give it a quick whirl.
Grab a coaster, head out to the front porch and sit for a spell. Sip. Wave to your neighbors, yell at the children to get off your petunias, and enjoy.
You can thank me later. Preferably on cream colored, engraved stationary where you’ve taken the time to write a proper thank you note. But that’s a post for another day.